“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” -Lao Tzu –
I have been deeply steeped in the process of surrender lately. For those of you who don’t know, I am blessed to be in my 27th week of pregnancy. At 47 years old, it took great surrender to open to this state…and once I arrived there, I had some ideas about how I was going to prove to myself (and perhaps the world) how vital a 47 year old pregnancy can be. Everything was going great, especially once we got past the nausea of the first trimester. We took a trip to Sedona and I hiked in the crisp air surrounded by astonishing vistas and inspired by the sacred energy permeating everything. I felt I would come home and take the rest of my second trimester by storm…return to a more vigorous practice, go for exhilarating walks with our new dog, launch a couple new training programs…easy peasy….
Instead, I got hit with a flu bug…then just as I was feeling better, got hit with another. Finally through that, I launched a training program in our home and the very next day was in the hospital with some worrisome signs of potential pre-mature labor. Skip to the good news…all is well!
But… I have to be very cautious about my energy. I can’t walk vigorously or demo much when I teach. Full Asana practice is out of the question.
So, once again, I find myself handing what I envisioned or desired over to the plans the universe has for me. It is a lesson I’ve had to learn over and over and it appears to have as many layers as an ancient tree.
It is no wonder that the final commandment in the ethical rules laid out in the 8 fold path of Yoga is Ishvara Pranidhana. It means surrender to the divine (or surrender to highest consciousness/knowing). Now surrender is not a popular concept in a culture that values hard work and calculable results. It seems to conjure the notion of giving up. While all our actions and the use of our will are very important drivers in our forward momentum, time and again life has come to teach me that the greatest force in our personal evolution is letting go…letting go of what we think we know for the infinite possibilities that await in that sacred and sometimes scary void.
Julia Cameron so aptly names the creative act as a “process of surrender, not control.” In all acts of birthing, there is hard work. Yet, it is ultimately a great release that ushers in that new life and energy. Ultimately, the seed must relinquish its form in order to grow into the beautiful green being that is encoded in its destiny.
And so, once again, I let go… with hands and heart open
And I whisper, “I don’t know….not my will …I surrender”…
trusting that these words unlock layers of Wisdom, Fortitude and Victory that I have not yet touched on my journey thus far.
Happy Spring! Happy growth! Happy surrender into all that is unfolding for you even beyond what you know and see!